Mrs. K and Captain J

Hi, I’m Mrs. K and I have a problem. It’s not really a visible one, but it’s a hurdle nonetheless. It’s one that effects my husband and me. He tells me I’m beautiful- I think he’s lying. I try to get dressed in the morning and I end up completely frustrated because I feel confident in nothing. Nothing.

I’ve always had issues with self esteem. It may be lingering doubt from being wronged in past relationships, but I’ll go ahead and take full credit for it. I look in the mirror and I pick out what’s wrong with the picture. Perhaps this is why a lot of the research I did as an undergrad gravitated around body image and then later, exercise motivation. I’ve been searching for awhile.

I was terrified to get pregnant. I wanted a baby so badly, but I thought I’d much rather go through adoption than put my body through the stress of carrying a child. I just knew I’d gain 2,000 lbs and never lose it again. I was worried about stretch marks. Above all else, I was worried about how I would feel afterward. Would I ever be confident?

Women tend to be a little harder on themselves than men, I think. Even more so, we’re more critical of ourselves than other women. It’s nearly impossible for me to snap a picture of myself and think- that’s a good picture of me! But when my friends take photos of themselves and they think it’s terrible, I usually think it’s a perfectly good picture and wonder what it is they’re seeing.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve made it a mission of mine to conquer this irrational belief I hold- the one that tells me that I’m not attractive- that I’m ugly even.

It has been seven months since I gave birth. It’s true I have lost most of the weight I gained during my pregnancy. I am back in my regular clothes, although they just don’t fit like they used to. I’m working on that. I could pick out a gazillion things I don’t love about my body, but I’m not going to do that. I’m going to focus on the good.

What do I love about my Mom Bod?

• I love the extra junk in the trunk that I’ve obtained. My rear was rather flat before.
• I love that God allowed me the ability to provide nutrients for my son for 5.5 months of his life. A woman’s body is an amazing thing, isn’t it?
• I’m proud that I lathered up in cocoa butter at every opportunity as I think it helped me walk away from my pregnancy with zero stretch marks!
• Most of all, I carried the sweetest most precious person in all the world inside me for nine months. I will never take that lightly. I can’t believe God has blessed me in this way.

And when the creeping doubt seeps in? I’ll go workout. I’ll stare in the eyes of my son and know it was all worth it. I’ll recognize that it’s a journey toward a happier me- not a destination. I’ll look at the pictures below and not cringe thinking how far I have to go.

But rejoice because my son came from this!

P.S. When does that line (the Linea Nigra) go away?

P.P.S. Don’t ever get your belly button pierced if you plan on getting pregnant. I took my navel ring out 7 months before I even got pregnant in preparation for baby. As you can see, that didn’t really work out. It looks slightly funky.

Err, wait. I wasn’t going to point out flaws, was I?

I love my mom body, I love my mom body, I love my mom body.

Whew. I feel better.

Link up with Amber if you wish to celebrate your Mom Bod, too!